A smaller vivid portrait to add alongside it(Completed)

        Everything is over now. It felt like a fever dream, she was full of flaws but her best was probably what I was having. Yet, as much faith, regret and sadness lingers, no tears were sheath. It was like how I imagined death would be like, unavoidable, slight scent of something sour that triggers my hunger for just a few more minutes, days, but with the knowledge that it will still end up being a very bitter experience anyway. Now, maybe if I wait a few more days, the sadness will probably catch up.... If anything, she's beautiful, her words and her appearance...but love can not be born from attachment, pity, reliance and lust. She never believed in my desire toward her existence as a whole, will she ever know? 

As I was typing this, bad ideas swarm my head. Elaborate plans to harm her just abit more, so that she will leave me instead, with no regrets. As that idea infest my head, I realized for this to work, she must never know how much more there is to show of me. I am not truely evil, I hope... I guess... I just no longer want my tears to freeze by the cold nights spent, to fall on her heart like a razor. 

    I have stayed, experienced things that were way pass my initial capacity to endure. I came out of this relationship, with more experience but what did it cost? I have no doubt my best wasn't able to rebuild what we had in the beginning, but I guess that is what it means to exhaust all possibility before giving up. As all growth that are undesirable, "I am proud of what I can do and accept now but not who I had to left behind to achieve this".

    Watched Kpop Demon Hunter yesterday, a movie she never invited me to watch with her. I am glad she didn't. Everything about it reminded me about them so much I started tearing up. Will I find peace in my sleeps again? I don't know... but I can't mope around too long. Not when I am aspiring to be a shining light during the day, and a glowing moon at night.