Oops! That's too high(Completed)
Oh, I shouldn’t have done that. My curiosity overtook me, and now I must create a new entry in my personal work while the previous page remains unfinished. I suppose this is a sign. I should move on now; I knew this was coming. It’s part of the many things that needed to happen too.
This is probably for the best. It proves my hunch was correct, again. Now my usual routine repeats: a desire to compete with no one but my own shadow as I strive to make progress in my life while this pain lasts. I’ve realized I’ve made many life-changing decisions and pursued self-improvement during my darkest moments. Perhaps it’s my way of compensating, channeling pain into a drive to advance and become the best version of myself. Or maybe it’s just a lack of desire for leisure activities, especially after receiving such a strong dose of adrenaline. It’s almost funny—there’s only one way I can feel now, and it’s not even up to me or what I do to invoke it. But knowing this, I’ll seize every chance to reach new heights, places I never thought I could go.
Little has changed recently, but I sense something monumental approaching, something I must invoke. It feels unimaginable, and my hunches haven’t been wrong so far, so I need to be ready. Perhaps I’ll finally see the view I’ve only dreamed of, or taste a sliver of true freedom. Whatever comes, I must be prepared.
I’ve made a few new friends recently. Once again, the way I treat people was noticed and appreciated, and another gesture of affection was offered. I can see clearly now, with a focused mind and a defined goal of who I want to be. An offer that once would have thrilled me.. now means very little. I’m doing better, but not fast enough. I want to create a world around me, a safe space where anyone can come and go freely. Not yet, though—not now. I hear the temptations calling to me, but I can’t revert to who I used to be. I won’t. Even a step in that direction, and I’ll be the one to stab myself. Funny, isn’t it?
I’ve also made an older friend, a soul so calm and still. He listens to my stories and emotions—things I’ve never shared with anyone else—and he’s shown me that I’m still not the kind soul I aspire to be. There’s more to do, more to change, even the parts of me that have stuck around so long they deserve their own names. So much needs to be done, and there’s so little time.
A journal should be direct and clear, but this space no longer belongs to just two, but three, then four, and maybe one day, five. Until the jar of marshmallows is full, I’ll write with a bit of hidden meaning. That way, when I finally press send, what happen next will finally help me decided what I should do next. But...One thing for sure, is that I am not giving up on this competition, even if the only runner left is me.
Note for an unsure fear:
Please may the rain be true , not fake.
Please may the warmth be from a sun, not something ablaze.
Please may my worries be from truth, not from hate
Please be vigilant and let this not be a mistake
May you never be the one I manipulates
